Without him
by Sar1305
Summary: Will Ziva forgive Tony? Bad title and bad summary I'm sorry - this is a Tiva fluffish piece that came into my head while I was writing something else


**Short Fluffyish piece that just came to my head yesterday while I was writing something else**

**Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading**

**Disclaimer, I don't own NCIS or the characters, I also stole a little bit from scenes from Bury your dead (the story wouldn't work without it)**

"Ziva, its not what you think" Tony begged "Its not what you think at all"

"Bullshit Tony, its exactly what I think, otherwise why would you be hiding, whatever it is your hiding" Ziva yelled back throwing her hands in the air as she spoke

"I can't tell you Ziva, its not that I don't want to, it's that I can't" He walked closer to her

"Whatever Tony. This, whatever we have, is done, you can't lie to me and expect me to be ok with it, you would tell me if you really wanted too" Ziva said as she backed toward the door. Tony was fighting back tears

"Zee please don't do this" He whispered

"I have to Tony, there's no way this can work" Ziva said as she reached for the door handle

"Ziva please, I love you" Tony moved to stop her leaving; he leaned in to kiss her.  
Ziva pushed him away from her

"Don't say that Tony, don't you dare say that to me now."  
With that Ziva turned and left the apartment.

Tony stood there wondering if he should go after her or not. He knew he should, but with Ziva's training she was likely to kill him if she was angry enough. He finally moved to the lounge room where he collapsed onto the lounge chair. He dropped his head into his hands as he felt tears down his face. It had been a long time since Tony cried, not since his mother had died, he usually fought back his emotions, keeping them in check, but not this time, this time he couldn't stop it. He had meant it when he had told Ziva he loved her, but she had left and now his heart felt shattered, this, Tony realised, is what they mean by having a broken heart.

* * *

Ziva drove for miles, she drove until the tears stopped. She didn't know where she was going until she pulled up at the front of her apartment. She sat in her car trying to breath, the pain she felt in her chest, in her stomach, in her heart, was something she hadn't felt before. Sure she had broken up with guys before, she thought she was in love before, but now she realised she hadn't been. This was what it felt like to have a broken heart.  
Eventually Ziva went up to her apartment, she didn't bother to shower or eat, she just got into bed and pulled the covers up over her head. She felt so stupid when she started crying again. Her cell lit up next to her, seeing it was from Tony she ignored it and let it ring out, but it rang again, the process repeated itself multiple times until Ziva picked it up and threw it across the room, permanently silencing it.

* * *

Tony watched Ziva walk through the NCIS building, he was secretly pleased she looked as bad as he felt, he could tell she'd been up all night. He hopped she might have had a change of heart.  
He had tried to call her many times the night before but she wouldn't answer, Tony hopped she just needed some time to cool off.

As Ziva walked past Tony, she didn't make eye contact with him, she simply sat at her desk and started typing. McGee looked up from his computer, noticing the odd silence between them.

"What, you guys actually have nothing to say to each other this morning? No juvenile jokes or banter?" McGee asked

"Shut it McNossy, I'm not in the mood" Tony snapped back

"Whoa" McGee said, "Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning"

"And somebody is going to wake up on the wrong side of the unemployment line if they don't cut it out" Gibbs said as he strode through the office "Gear up, we got a dead marine"

The three of them jumped into action. Tony was careful not to end up next to Ziva as they walked

* * *

It had been weeks since Tony had spoken to Ziva, sure there were the conversations they had a work, about work, but that was it. The friendly banter and joking between them had stopped, neither of them smiled anymore. Tony looked run down, like he had too much on his plate and Ziva gave looks to kill at anyone who got on her nerves.

Tony and Ziva had been paired up on their most recent case to go over the crime scene. They had driven out to find a marine dead in a woodshed, the property owned by a old man and his wife who barley came out to it any more. The marine could have been dead up to 10months. Gibbs had ordered McGee to go back to NCIS and help Abby analyse the laptop that had been found at the scene, and Gibbs left hastily after taking a phone call.

Tony and Ziva had been working in silence for an hour, when Tony heard Ziva let out a loud cry of pain. Tonys heart skipped a beat as he turned around to see what was going on. Ziva was kneeling next to a large pine box, her fingers caught under the lid. If it hadn't of been for the pile of stuff jammed on top of the box Ziva probably would have been able to free herself. Tony hurried over to help her.

"No Tony, I can do this" Ziva said as she struggled to get enough leverage to open the box.

"Ziva don't be so stubborn and let me help" Tony said sounding annoyed

Ziva gave in and let Tony lift the lid off her fingers, as she went to look at them she felt a sharp pain up her arm, she hunched over waiting for the pain to pass. Without thinking Tony gently lifted her hand so he could inspect her fingers.

"Ziva, you should get to the hospital, I think one of these might be broken" He said gently

"Don't be silly Tony they're not…." Ziva was cut short as she let out a groan when Tony touched her fingers

"Not broken huh?" Tony said turning her hand over in his

"Ok fine, I will go and get them looked at when we're finished here" Ziva said giving in to Tony again.  
Tony smiled as he turned her hands around in his, it had been so long since he had touched her, tasted her, been so close to her. Without even thinking of the consequence's he lift her hand and gently kissed it.  
Ziva was stunned as she felt Tony's soft lips press against her hand. She almost lost all self-control, forgetting for a second she was still angry with him

"Tony" Ziva said in not much more then a whisper "Don't"

"Ziva, I'm sorry." Tony whispered back.

Ziva could feel Tony leaning in closer to her; she didn't know if she should run away or not. Tony was now so close she could feel his breath against her skin; she closed her eyes as she prepared to let him kiss her, but before he reached her, Tonys cell rang. Sighing Tony pulled it out of his pocket. Ziva noticed that it was he's second cell that Tony pulled out. Ziva and Tony's eyes locked for a moment, Ziva's asking Tony not to answer and Tony's begging Ziva for forgiveness for what he was about to do.  
Tony answered his phone and walked away from Ziva, Ziva only heard the start of the conversation

"Hi, yeah I miss you too"

Ziva closed her eyes and fought back her tears. She wouldn't let Tony see her cry

* * *

Ziva watched on screen as Tony's car blew up. She felt her legs go week and her heart stop beating, she thought she was going to vomit. The room was swirling around her, she forced herself to focus, focus on what people were saying focus on what she had to do. Looking around the room she could see everyone was just a shocked as she was; only she felt in her heart, in her core. If only they had known about her and Tony, they would know she wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Somehow Ziva made it to the site where Tony's car had exploded. She wasn't sure exactly how she was still functioning, but she was. She felt robotic, like she was just going through the motions. She had hoped they would find evidence that Tony wasn't in the car but they didn't. Everything pointed to the fact that the remains in this car were Tony's.

On the drive back to NCIS, all Ziva could think about was Tony, all the things she had never said to him. She had never told him she loved him, although she did with every part of her being. If she could hold him now, she would tell him, tell him how much he meant to her, and how sorry she was for not believing him and not trusting him. Tell him that he was the reason she breathed most days, and without him her whole world was wrong. Ziva fought back the tears, she was trained not to show emotion and not to be attached, but this wasn't just another case. This was Tony, her Tony and she wasn't sure how long she could hold on with out him.

NCIS was buzzing when McGee and Ziva arrived back, there were people coming and going, Ziva was feeling a little bit better, Ducky had discovered that the remains in the car weren't Tonys, while it had offered a small amount of relief, Ziva was still full of worry about where Tony was. Just because this wasn't his body, didn't mean he was still alive.

Kortz had been in the NCIS office trying to offer some clues as to what had happened, Ziva watched him as he made his way to the elevator, wishing he would leave so they could get back to what they were doing. As Kort reached the elevator, as the doors opened Ziva saw a sight that made her heart skip a beat. Tony was standing there.

"Hey! My car blew up this morning! Did you do that?'

Kort grabbed Tony and pushed him against the wall, simultaneously everyone drew their guns, Ziva knew if she had to she would put a bullet straight through Korts head for Tony. As Kort released his grip on Tony they all lowered their weapons and watched him leave. Ziva was doing everything she could not to leap into Tony's arms, firstly no one at NCIS had even known about their relationship and secondly she was still mad at him for lying to her. Although now she knew he had meant it when he said it wasn't what she thought.

"What? No balloons" Tony joked as he walked over to the group who was looking quite stunned to see him.

Ziva rolled her eyes and went back to her desk, as the group dissipated. Tony was hauled away by Gibbs and Jenny for debriefing. Ziva sat at her desk trying to concentrate.  
After what seemed liked hours, Ziva saw Tony come out of the directors office, she watched him go into the bathroom. Taking the opportunity she might catch him alone, she followed him in.

As the door opened Tony looked up to see who it was

"Zee" was all Tony had time to say before Ziva had pushed him hard against the wall. She crushed his mouth with hers, Tony felt so much passion in that kiss, and he couldn't help but return it. As they ran out of breath, Tony cupped Ziva's face in his hands, and pulled his head back so he could look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry" He said quietly. He could see a tear trickle from Ziva's face. He gently kissed where the tear ran down her check

"I'm so sorry Ziva" Tony repeated

Ziva nodded and then shook her head, crinkling her nose she said to Tony

"No Tony, I am the one who should be sorry, I should have listened to you" Ziva said trying not to let the tears overcome her "I should have trusted you Tony"

Tony pulled her face and kissed her gently on the lips

"Ziva, we obviously need to talk properly about this, about all of this, about us. Why don't you come over tonight?" Tony asked her

Ziva nodded and turned to walk out, but before she could Tony grabbed her hand and said

"Zee, I love you"

Ziva smiled at him as the tears she was holding back came pouring out, Tony pulled her in and held her tight as she cried, and through her tears she managed to say  
"I love you Tony."

* * *

Hours later Tony and Ziva were wrapped together in Tony's sheets. Ziva had gone there to talk, but little talking had taken place so far. As they lay Tony gently stroked Ziva's arms.

"Ziva, what are you thinking?" Tony asked, he could tell from the look on her face something was wrong

"This is going to sound wrong Tony, but I need to know" Ziva said quietly

"What Zee?" Tony asked

"Did you sleep with her Tony?" Ziva whispered

Tony closed his eyes as he thought about the best way to answer her, but before he could Ziva spoke again

"You don't have to answer Tony, I can see from the look on your face you did"

"Ziva, I only did when we weren't together, I know that's not going to make you feel better but that's the truth" Tony continued to stroke Ziva's arm

"Here, in this bed?" Ziva asked

"No" Tony whispered "Never in this bed"

Ziva nodded, she was trying to be accepting, she knew it was just an assignment, she had been on many herself, but she couldn't help feeling jealous and a little bit hurt.

"Did you tell her you love her?" Ziva asked after a moments silence

"I had to Zee" Tony said softly as he moved his hand so it was wresting on her cheek

Ziva nodded "I understand Tony" she said as a tear fell from her face

"Ziva, please don't cry" Tony said gently wiping the tears away. "I told her I loved her, and we slept together, but every time I wished it was you, I wished you were with me and not here"

Tony watched Ziva, waiting for her to reply, he didn't know what to expect from her, but he knew she was hurt by what he just said.

"Tony, I know that this was for an assignment, I know why you couldn't tell me, I just can't help but feel jealous, you spent so much time with her, I should be worried that you have real feelings for her"

"Zee," Tony responded "I know, and I can't tell you how sorry I am that you got hurt in all this, but you need to understand, I love you, I loved you then and I love you now, it broke my heart that we weren't together, if I could go back in time and change things, I would never have agreed to the assignment, I wouldn't have hurt you Ziva"

Tony pulled Ziva in towards him so their body's were touching.

"I'm sorry too Tony, I thought you were dead, I was so scared that you were gone and I never got to tell you how much you mean to me, how much I love you, how much I need you and how much it was killing me not being with you" Ziva said quietly to Tony

Tony pulled her in so he could kiss her gently

"I know Zee, but I'm here now, we're here now and that's all that matters"

FIN


End file.
